Matt & Chris put the pedal to the metal on the Mystery Hour van to recap the week in Dumb, discuss olive penises, catch up with Emmy Martian, and then watch one of many nineties Marvel cartoons: Silver Surfer!

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This Week In Dumb:

Friday, February 28, 2025 @ 8pm ET: The Mary Jo Pehl Show Clubhouse: Chit-Chat & Tidbits #22

Monday, March 3, 2025 @ 8pm ET: Super Dumb Bros. Play The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword (Part Two)

Tuesday, March 4, 2025 @ 8pm ET: Martian Shadows: Episode 12

Wednesday, March 5, 2025: Weird & Wonderful Wednesday Watchalongs: Hoppity Goes To Town

Coming Soon To Dumb:

Saturday, March 8, 2025 @ 3pm ET: Jackey Neyman Jones’ Paint Parties

Tuesday, March 18, 2025 @ 8pm ET: Movie Jo Night: BAFFLED!

Tuesday, March 25, 2025 @ 8pm ET: The Mary Jo Pehl Show Game Show Night

Feature Presentation: Silver Surfer, “The Planet of Dr Moreau”

Transcript: Stay alert with consciousness, know what you're worth. You gotta puff, puff, give, puff, puff, give, puff, puff, give. Share and live, puff, puff, give. Here's a cancer mind, helps the blind, rocks DJs to rhyme all time. Queen of Kaya, sweet kind love, world to the sky. Pass the douchi on the left hand side, I say Pass the douchi on the right hand side, I say Lift your chalice if you're feelin' high We know why we puff like prey, Jack Rastafari Smokin' Buddha makes me feel irie I know why, I feel free, yes, I'm talkin' sincere So come on, puff off here if you know what I mean So pass it around, baby, cause it's too soon Don't hug the green Give, puff, puff, give. Come on. Share and live, puff, puff, give. Puff, puff, give. Puff, puff, give. Come on. Share and live, puff, puff, give. Good into prom, you raise a crispy treat. Groovin', dancin' in bare feet. Lovin' sunshine, free to live. Thank you, God, to God. Puff, puff, give. Puff, puff, give. Puff, puff, give. Come on. Share and live, puff, puff, give. Puff, puff, give. Puff, puff, yeah Puff, puff, yeah Puff, puff, yeah Puff, puff, yeah The nineties are gonna make the sixties look like the fifties. Honey, it's the nineties, remember? Microchips, microwaves, faxes, earphones. Wake up and smell the nineties. For God's sake, Chuckie, drag yourself into the nineties. Uncle Phil, can you take a stroll into the nineties, please? Come on, Uncle Phil, this is the nineties, man. Man, it's the nineties. It's hammer time. Come on. Come on, Brenda, it's the nineties, for God's sakes. This is the nineties, the nineteen nineties in point of fact. Ma, it's the nineties, you can call it what it is, our monthly visitor. I think I'm gonna like the nineties. Just because we're getting older, it doesn't mean that we're old, this is the nineties. Let me tell you something, this is the nineteen nineties, alright? In this day and age, a man has to have choices. The nineties is no time to play hero. I can be anything I want to be. It's the nineties. This is the nineties, Stan. Witches are women. Our bride is a nineties Cinderella. She doesn't just dance with the Prince Charming. She chucks deals on her cellular phone. She throws the wicked stepsisters into the pool. I'm a woman of the nineties and you're not much of a lady. I really can't stand it. Those people who blame their worst traits on everyone but themselves. It's so nineties. You know, kissing is so nineteen nineties. Nineteen nineties and nobody's getting laid. I'm the only man in America who was getting laid. Does your girlfriend have a girlfriend? Hey, it's the nineties. It's the nineties. Parents are supposed to discuss sex with their children. Out there, it's the nineteen nineties. But in his house, it's nineteen fifty-four. The nineties are killing me. You're not supposed to tell a guy you're gonna kill him no more. Not in the nineties, Austin. Now, this being the nineties, you can't just walk up to a guy and smack him in the face. You gotta say something cool for us, you know what I mean? Yeah, like, uh, I'll be back. Yeah, only better than that. Like, if you hit him with a surfboard, you would say, Surf's up, pal. What are you, nuts? This is the nineties. We're gonna sue you. I'm okay, you're okay, let's sing it out in song. Let's try to love each other, not do each other wrong. I've got a loving feeling and this feeling's getting strong. I'm okay and you're okay, so let's just get along. And what happened with Black Sabbath, we all ended up junkies and alcoholics and everything, like the drummer ended up in a... in a rehabilitation center, I did for a while. And in the end, disaster happens. It's inevitable to happen, disaster, because it's like drugs, they were okay at the time, but we outgrew them, you know. We just, you know, we took LSD, we took cocaine, we took vast amounts of marijuana. It was fun at the time, but then we all just sort of, it's not a very good idea anymore. So you have a more stable life now? No. Lotte Ham Fried Chicken. Oh, Lotte Ham Fried Chicken. It tastes really good when you eat it. Please give me two more wings. Wow, boneless fried chicken. You don't know this? Boneless fried chicken. Lotte Ham Fried Chicken. Lotte Ham. Frozen food. The cane is a sign of weakness, but in that deception alone lies its great strength. The ancient Korean noble class knew the power of the cane, and they developed a series of techniques and exercises with the cane. The cane must become an extension of your mind and body. The cane must become an appendage. My friend Jack lost his leg when he was twenty-four. His crutches have become an appendage. Jack and I hike the trails down here and he's incredibly agile. When somebody enters your space, with ill intent you need to strike time and distance are crucial are crucial are crucial are crucial the cane and appendage he's incredibly agile his crutches are crucial and an appendage his crutches are crucial Yes, the Paul Stanley Workout Tape for dirty minds and clean bodies. I will show you how to get the body you always wanted and the woman it belongs to. Yes, the Paul Stanley Exercise Tape. Join me, won't you? The Paul Stanley Workout Tape, available where better videos are sold. Because a muscle is a terrible thing to waste. This is how we do it It's Friday night I feel alright The party's here on the west side So I reach for my Audi and I turn it up Designated driver take the keys to my truck Hit the show cause I'm faded Honeys in the street say money and we made it It feels so good in my hood tonight The summer turn skirts, all the guys they can eye All the gang bangers forgot about the drive-by Gotta get your groove on before you go get paid So tip up your cup and throw your hands up And let me hear the party say I'm kinda boss and it's all because This is how we do it South Central does it like nobody does This is how we do it To all my neighbors you get much favor This is how we do it Let's tip the track of the old school bag. This is how we do it. Our hands are in the air. You're waving from here to there. You're an OG man, boy, I want to be player. See, the hood's been good to me ever since I was a lower-case G. But now I'm the big G. The girls say I've got the money. Hundred dollar bills, y'all. If you were from where I'm from, then you would know that I gotta get mine in a big black truck. You can get yours in a six-ball. Whatever it is, the party's underwear. So tip up your cup and throw your hands up. For a school bus visit from Space Ghost. The Dole Substitute Amendment to H.R.-Nine-Five-Six. The Product Liability Act is the pending question. Quorum call. Quorum call. Thank you. Now Space Ghost will make a couple of adjustments here. We're on the floor of the National Cable Television Association Convention, and you are, sir? I am Space Ghost Citizen Bruce. And what planet are you from? I come from the Ghost Planet, a.k.a. Cartoon Network. And what special powers do you have, if any? I can become invisible, I can fly, and I bake one heck of an apple brown betty. And space goes... We're enjoying a laugh now. Yes, we are. How do you serve humanity? How do I serve humanity? Well, I usually prefer to serve humanity steaming hot, right out of the kitchen, because it's no good if it's cold. Would you regard yourself as a superhero? Absolutely. Absolutely. Think of me as Walter Mondale with super strength. How do you compare yourself to your colleagues in the business, such as, for example, Superman or Batman? Well, you know, Superman got that groin pull a couple of years ago. Very, very difficult, very painful. Spider-Man, you just don't want to shake hands with him, because every time you go to, you know, a warm greeting, you get that handful of that glop, you know, that he sticks to things with. So that's unpleasant. He's an unpleasant person. Who else? Do you have a... There are many. Do you have a secret identity? My secret identity, yes. My real... I will share this with you, Citizen Bruce. Nobody else is listening? Correct. My real identity is Tad Ghostall. That's my secret identity. Tad Ghostall. But don't tell anyone. And what does Tad do for a living? Well, Tad used to work at the Gap. He works at the Gap, but on weekends he fights crime. Well, Space Ghost, we don't want to keep you from your mission. Not at all. I can stay another hour. Thanks for stopping by Kaspan. It was a pleasure to be here on Kaspan, and thank you for having me. Citizen Bruce and Citizen Cameraman doing a fine job. So he is. All righty. I'm Ultraman! I'm Ultraman! I'm Ultraman! I'm Ultraman. I'm the driver. Everybody, here I am, Ultraman, telling everyone on Earth Atsumoto fight, fight today, I have to do my best, right, Catman? A hero is no good, this story is going to be long, so next time, I'll be on Earth One, two, three minutes is all I need, you know that, right? I'm a plumber! Where is your train man? I'm a train man. Repeat after me. I'm a train man. Sing along with me. I'm a train man. Shake my head, shake my head, shake my head, shake my head Obviously, these are things that bug a lot of the young people. But this time, rather than hear from the establishment who run newspapers, radio, television, book and magazine publishing companies, political parties, and schools, let's hear from those other teenagers who aren't smoking pot. Not all teenagers are on drugs. I'm not, and my close friends aren't. Every time someone wants to turn me on to pot, they tell me I'll discover myself. Well, I don't need that kind of crutch. Besides, I've never seen any potheads come up with any kinds of answers that help them cope with the kind of problems they have, or I have. Oh, that horse is so stoned. Wilbur will need another joint. I've got rheumatoid arthritis. Is this a western now? Coming soon to Weird and Wonderful Wednesday Watchalongs. Pretty, isn't she? The third largest city in the country. And she's quite a lady. Kind of peaceful, too, in the warm, friendly light of day. But when the light goes down and the city is dark, its back streets and brooding alleys become a jungle. And its denizens stretch out their claws of violence from the shadows. That's where I come in. Sims, homicide. Because murder is my business and midnight is my beat. And it takes me to the real story behind a thousand front page headlines. Sometimes to the savage fury of a report that begins when a man's life is ended. And so the word goes out along the city's vast network of communication. Killers loose, ready to kill again, dragging innocent lives with them in a reckless pattern of flight as they try to hide in a city stripped naked where there is no escape. But the wheels of the law's machinery grind hard and the long arms of the department stretch out, girdling the city, drawing the steel net tighter and tighter. Oh, my God, I'm so happy I can share my my weird secret passion with all of you. I spend way too much time playing this game during the day. Like, if you ever want to know what I'm doing while I'm like waiting on pre shows to upload, it's like this. That's just me and you. Who are you? Big, big blues. I will. I will fight you. I will... Come here! I will... Yeah! The only guy who played the game before won it. Who saw that coming? When you guys choose the paintings, they always seem to fit. We're coming into some difficult times, I think, and I'd like to think that, uh... The guy in office right now just pissed off a whole lot of people. To me, I don't know, it just kind of feels a little bit empowering in a time when I don't feel like I have much control over much of anything at the moment. So I have control over this. I can do this. You know, that's... That's funny you said that, because when I was painting her the first time, I was thinking the same thing. She looked kind of queenly. Majestic, you know? Ooh! Ooh! this is coming from our clubhouse chat from mrs torgo mary jill where would you take roddy on your first date straight to my sofa for a makeout session oh god I don't know um he's he's rather continental so I would probably take him out um if it were in minneapolis for martinis or go the complete opposite way and take him on a hike to Minnehaha Falls or something like that. He'd love that, I'm sure. Where would you take him, Chris? Where would I take Roddy McDowell on our first date? I don't know. Maybe a movie. Maybe we'll go just take a stroll in the village. Go to some antique shops. Oh, nice. I think a theater date would work well. Yeah, go see it. We'll go see the new Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. Yeah, I'd love to see that. Nobody expects the Ironside Inquisition. yeah watching him walk around and do nothing is so much more interesting than seeing the killings by the monster will he walk into another room or stay in this room oh my god the suspense is killing me I've got his cameras Oh, damn, marriage agrees with me. Oh, now I can't do the Harpo Groucho mirror scene. Well, that was a productive afternoon. This is like a real estate video. My dinner with Andre didn't have this many indoor scenes. so so What's up, what's up, what's up? That's just gonna be the entire show. Yeah, let's do the whole show in scat. Just do the whole show in scat. Thursday we have coming up. I'm gonna kill myself. I really hate my life. I'm gonna walk in traffic. That's a great way to get your anxieties out. Just like, you know. I'm glad you put that at the end of the pre-show because you started the pre-show with a suggestion that I gave you, Puff Puff Give by Hannes Field. And I thought that was going to be stuck in my head. And then the Scatman song came on. yeah the the puff puff felt like a good one to well one it's it's a good joke but it's just it's kind of the same thing the whole video so I was like this will be a good first video when everybody's kind of just coming on the stream because you watch it for like you know forty seconds you're like I get it so it's just there's a method to my madness occasionally matt occasionally not often but dan wally asks when will you make a heel turn like john cena I heard about this what would a heel turn for for me look like I mean like I already just you already kind of torture us um yeah like what kind of clips would I have to put in to to be like well you'd have to do the opposite then you'd have to become like a good guy so you'd have to uh start showing us What if I just started like only including clips from like those, uh, those like, uh, STD PSAs from like the seventies that were like way too graphic, you know, like the seventies were the era of like, uh, you know, if you're putting together a PSA, everything was just horrible and graphic. Like, Hey, do you want to learn how to drive? Uh, here's someone's like body parts all over the freeway. Hey, everything about having sex. Here's the worst set of genitals you've ever seen in your life. Yeah. Here's an olive penis. So we used to call it. There's an olive penis. An olive penis? I've never heard that terminology before. There was a book that we had in school that would, you know, you'd flip through it and it showed all the... And there was one penis that just looked like an olive. And we called it the olive penis. So it was like a micro penis, kind of? It was like a... It wasn't so much the size. It was like it had... I don't know. It was like syphilis or something. It had some huge, like... So diameter-wise, it was... It just looked like an olive. So we called it the olive penis. The olive penis. When you're here, you're family. I was like, sixteen. What do you want? Unlimited breadsticks at the olive penis this week. Guys, I'm so sorry. We have fun here. I know. Olive penis. Olive penis. Olive penis. Emmy's telling us to calm down. Alright, I'm sorry. Olive penis. Olive penis. We got all the olive penis chat out of our systems. Let's move on. I'm entering my drinking arc for the show. I've realized since I had that operation the other day, I can go back to smoking weed, but my tolerance is so high that I've resorted to malt liquor now for... while I get my tea down there. So you're about to witness a very weird Matt for the next couple of weeks. Mr. Jamie's got a good point. New phrase for TKO. Next time we play TKO, it's going to be all olive penises. I'm telling you. That was I had to I had to ask about that because it's like all like the complexion of it, you know, because like it's because like because like I guess you could say like, you know, Greek people, they all have olive penises kind of if you're just going off of like skin tone, you know, like they've got that kind of, you know, that olive skin tone. I don't know how else to describe it, but people don't want us to. Draw us a picture, Chris. People are asking us to talk about your feet instead of this, so maybe it's a little too far. Next TKO night, you'll draw us what the olive penis looks like, and then we'll. I'll try. It's from memory. I can't make any guarantees. It sounds like it's pretty ingrained, so I trust your judgment there. Hey, everybody. It's Mystery Hour. People are really trying to de-escalate this. Look at this. People are... Sorry, Spacey. Look, we've been doing this show for like four years. If we can't make it, we're getting weird with it now. I know. Well, anyway, welcome to the Dumb History's Mystery Hour. Hi, everybody. It's Mystery Hour time. You made it. Welcome to the... Mystery Hour. Yeah, this is the show. If those of you who are wondering who we are and why we're talking about penises on the stream, I'm Matt. That's Chris. We work at Dumb Industries. We make all the Mads and Mary Jo Peel. We work at Dumb Industries. You make it sound like we have overlords, which we do, but you make it sound too obvious. It's just my job five days a week. Olive P. Olive Penis. Uh, no, but we, we, we run dumb industries and, and this is our show every week where we get together and we, uh, we hang out with y'all and, uh, we just talk about what we've been doing all week, sort of a little state of the company kind of, you know, and then, uh, and then most importantly, at the end of the night, we will be watching some trash that we have found on the internet for all of you, which tonight's theme is nineties Marvel's cartoons, nineties Marvel cartoons. Let me say that again. Like I didn't have a stroke. Nineties Marvel cartoons is going to be great because I've, I watched the X-Men when it was on, but all the other ones, they just kind of, I don't know. I never got into any of them. And there are a lot. There were a lot of them. Yes. And I will say, I'm not going to give away what our options are right now, but they are all, uh, sort of, uh, lower tier Marvel cartoons from the nineties. Cause of course, cause we've watched X-Men on here like two times, three times, something like that. A couple of times, a couple of times. So we don't have X-Men is not one of our options. Cause you've got like the A tier of Marvel cartoons, which is like X-Men and then the Spider-Man cartoon. And then the rest of them, there's a giant quality drop. And then there's the rest of them. And it's from, that grouping that I've chosen from tonight so perfect perfect yeah we have some really good options here stick around to the end you you guys will get to vote on what we watch um yes yes yes yes and also before we get started real quick we are on blue sky I repeat we are on blue sky we would love it if you followed us there I'm on there.com forward slash olive penis go there that's it olive penis.com if you say olive penis and it kind of sounds like you're saying I love penis olive penis olive penis olive penis I love olive penis would be a good porn name I should look into that like Yeah, that is a good... Poor name. Okay, follow us on Blue Sky. And I'm on there. Emmy's on there. We've been harassing Matt Daly to get on there. But Dumb Industries is on there. I really need to get on. Because I made a conscious decision to really not make my Twitter presence giant during the heyday of that. Because I feel like people who are funny on Twitter are trying to build a brand. And they're trying too hard. And people who are funny on Facebook are just mentally ill. And that's kind of more where I fit in. But Blue Sky is a whole new place, so maybe I will try to put my comedic brand out there finally. I like it. And I've been playing around with it a little bit because I am now posting on the Dumb Industries page on there now. Oh, yes. It's a fine place. That's out of the bag. Matt's got the credentials. I've got the credentials to our Blue Sky profile. I've made a Truth Social profile. Yeah, Truth Social. What was the other one? Parlor? Did you already say that? No, I have not said that. I was trying to think of what was that? We're on AshleyMadison.com if you need to. Also head to our Discord server, discord.dumb-industries.com. Blue Sky and Discord, man, that's where it's at right now with Dumb Industries. We're still on Facebook. We're still on Instagram. Yeah, but we're kind of on life support on those. We're basically just posting the bare necessities for people who just want to follow our programming. We're not really... We're kind of phoning it in a little bit. If you want to know when our shows are happening, though, there's still a good place to look for that, though. But if you are looking for any posts with any real passion to them, you need to go to Discord and Blue Sky. And also wanted to remind folks, if you send in a donation of any dollar amount throughout tonight's show, we will give you a shout out in one of the, in the form of one of our patented, terrible impressions, or you can ask us a question or you can challenge us. You can ask me for feet, picks, uh, whatever you want. I'll have to DM those to you though. We can't put those on the stream. Well, one of the things we're going to raffle off tonight is a free month to Matt's OnlyFans. He's very generous. I was about to say, are you going to raffle off feet pics? We're going to raffle off pictures from my colonoscopy if you want to see what I look like up close and personal. Oh, my God. We have fun here. We already have some donations here. Okay, let's get right to it. First one comes from Matt B. Matt B, thank you. Of Matt and Jackie B fame. Of Matt and Jackie B fame. Just one of them. That's like watching a concert with just Hall and no Oates. Well, this is important. This is part of the message that Matt sent in. He says, this is my first week of a three-week work trip and won't see Jackie B. much for a while can colombo give some advice on how he and the missus stay close when he's away solving mysteries stay awesome matt b well um man I'm sorry to hear that you're gonna be away from your wonderful wife for three weeks uh personally um you know I've spent quite some time away from mrs colombo and uh all I can say is you gotta find what works uh You gotta get on the phone. You gotta be open to some ideas, because that's what Mrs. Columbo likes over there. You gotta get real good at sexting. If you're not a real good sexter, stuff's not gonna last. You gotta get good with the sexting, as the kids say, yes. Ladies say they don't want a picture of your penis, but if you're real creative with the angles and they know your penis personally, it's fine. Me and Mrs. Columbo, I like to put googly eyes on mine occasionally and take pictures with it really far in the foreground, like it's a monster. that's attacking me. If you're creative like that, it should go over just fine. Your Columbo's just like, you're kind of like, I had the concept of Columbo trying to explain sexting, and I just didn't even try with the impression. I do like the idea of Columbo just explaining just sexual concepts in his Columbo way, just way over the top. Like we did that impression the other day where he's Columbo explaining what cock and ball torture is to somebody. Oh, right. Mrs. Columbo, she likes to occasionally put on high heels and just stomp all over them. Just go to town on my olive penis. Uh, thank you so much. Thank you so much, Matt B three weeks. That's insane. I don't think I've ever been away from Jen that long ever. And I've known her almost half my life. That's crazy. Three weeks. That is, that is a long time. Yeah. I hope you have internet. Yeah. But, uh, but, but seriously as, as, as, as someone who is in a long distance relationship, uh, yeah, get on the, there's lots of ways for you to zoom together, you know, watch a movie together. give away all your secrets am I giving away that I'm secretly a happy person in a stable relationship does that does that uh denigrate my brand somehow your your role in this show is to be downtrodden at all times your role in the show is to you're the you're the designated degenerate man I will have it no other way um we have a real good cop bad cop kind of you know dynamic here that when I upset it kind of you know it throws the whole show into chaos Thank you so much, Matt B. Thank you, Matt. And I hope that you and Jackie are able to make the next three couple weeks be as tolerable as possible. Me and my long-distance girlfriend watched Twin Peaks Fire Walk with me over Zoom last night, and that's a great movie. Oh, that is a great movie. I like Serena says good for you, Matt, but you're ruining this show. Yeah. Fair enough. You're happy. You're not going to be funny anymore, Matt. Don't you know that? I like how the other day we were talking about because I was just talking like we were just backstage talking about how like I've just been kind of depressed lately and you're like talking about antidepressants. You're like, oh, you're like, you know, a lot of people put them off because they think it'll make them less creative. I'm like, oh, I don't care about that. I'm just like... yeah do not give a it's true though when I'm uh we don't have to get it we don't have to get into that um here we have another donation this one comes from punk nerd thank you so much punk nerd thank you so much I'm sorry I haven't responded to your last couple facebook dms I have been uh just returning to adulthood in the last couple weeks but Punk Nerd says to do something to really punish JL Sieber for those bad jokes tonight. Yeah, I saw that. I mean, JL Sieber is always doing the bad jokes during the pre show, which we love. Keep doing it, JL Sieber. But I noticed people were a little more upset than usual. Oh, were the jokes extra bad tonight? I think the jokes were extra bad. Let me scroll back and see if I can find any. All right, here we go. One from JL Siever. Bad joke of the evening. Acupuncture edition. Quality acupuncture is a jab well done. Ah. JL Siever should write for gut-filled bids. What are you doing? Yeah, they would actually like those jokes. Send in your writing packet to Fox News. It's this JL Sieber guy. I've got to get him on the staff here. Here's another one. bad joke of the evening cement edition some friends of mine won't believe me that I can make cement they've asked for concrete evidence we need a soundboard on this show I know I put oh maybe it wasn't in this brand but I did put a uh applause sound effect in one of our brands it doesn't help us right now but um Thank you for telling us about that thing that we have no access to. Okay, Punkner wants us to punish JLC for these bad jokes. How can we punish them? JLC, this is Emperor Palpatine talking to you. Your jokes are horrible. Nobody likes puns. They are the lowest form of comedy in the Empire. Lord Vader tried to get into pun-related humor earlier on into his... into his apprenticeship, and it was so bad that I smacked him in the face so hard that he had to switch to that weird Vader helmet with the red lenses you see sometimes. That's his backup helmet for when I give him a smack upside the old noggin. No puns. Triclops, if you're listening, don't do any pun-related humor around me. Mary Jo doesn't like the puns. Emperor Palpatine doesn't like puns. Attila the pun didn't like puns. No more puns. Unlimited puns. No, but seriously, JLC, we do appreciate you and your jokes, even if Emperor Palpatine doesn't. I like that our community feels a little bit like the Grateful Dead community sometimes, how everybody has their own little part to play. Like you go to a show, it's like, that's the beads lady. She's just here at every show selling beads. Hey, there's the dude selling grilled cheese sandwiches. That's grilled cheese sandwiches. There's the guy who just spins in a circle for four and a half hours. That's his deals. He just spins in a big circle. uh thank you so much punk nerd uh we got let's see we got well we got a few more let's do one more okay one more uh do uh a few more at our next break this one comes from paul r thank you so much paul paul thank you paul riser of mad about you fame for yes uncle thank you so much uh no thanks paul uh any any suggestions or anything no empty no prompt here Okay, because I was thinking I had that Ozzy clip in the pre-show and I've been feeling very Ozzy, Black Sabbath, Dio, all the related bands. So here is my rendition of Ozzy Osbourne's Over the Mountain as sung by Gollum and attempting to incorporate your name. Over the mountain Take me across the sky Something in my vision Something deep inside Why did I wonder? Where do you think I wonder to? Paul is a cool guy That's the place I travel to I heard Paul tell me that this land of dreams was now. I told them I had written. Okay, have I done enough? Yeah, that was great. Awesome. Thank you, Paul. I was trying to get Juppie to sing back up, but. She looks kind of sleepy right now. She's just doing all the guitar parts and meows. That's me doing a Randy Rhoads guitar solo and meows. I love this kitty so much. It was a great kitty. Of the kitties you have, whenever I cat-sit for you, she is always the most personable one. The rest of them just hide from me. I thought I lost one of your cats one time I house-sit for you, and I called you in a panic, and you were like, no, she's probably wedged into the couch somewhere, and you were right. That's what happens. They have their hiding spaces. Anyway. Cats! Guys, we have a lot to get to. Thank you, Paul. Yeah, let's get into this week's nominees. Let's do it. Oh, my God. All right. Take it away, Johnny. All right. Up first, we have great deals going on in our store, the dumb store, at all times. Change them up every week. This week is no different. You can get through Sunday. Buy any four books by Frank Conniff. Get one free. No promo code. needed and you can head to, uh, dumb dash industries.com. That is crazy. So you could just get like, and I'm not even just saying that, like, uh, that's crazy. Like the way that we do, like, if you buy four books, we will just give you a free book. That is, that's pretty good. That is pretty good. And, uh, and we ship those personally. So, you know, Frank signs them, we meet up, we grab coffee. I get them from him. We come home, I package them, ship them out. It's a whole operation we got. Um, Frank gets to see inside Chris's apartment and he sighs heavily every time he looks at it and then he leaves and sometimes. Yeah. Yeah, we started meeting. He was coming up to the apartment for a while, but a couple things. Our local subway station, you know, Seventy-Fifth Ave, is very sketchy. It's like you get out of the train. You know, you've been here. You get out of the train, and it's like one of those really small train stations where there's like a guy on a bench who's like yelling at some other guy across the... he's yelling at nobody sometimes he's sometimes no one there's rats everywhere uh it's crazy and I told him like let's just meet at a coffee place on continental because that way you know no no fear of being stabbed at a coffee place definitely this is a bit of a deviation but this might be good for a clip what is the off the top of your head if you can't think what's the craziest thing you ever saw on a train in new york city Oh, my God. I've seen a woman just piss, like, wearing a skirt, just pissing at the end of a car once. That rocks. I've seen rats in the car. Oh, I've never seen that. Thank God for that. That's terrifying, because you're kind of, like... You have nowhere to go. Yeah, you just get in the corner, like, I hope it doesn't... Crawl up like I've seen videos of that sometimes and I'm like, I hope that's never me It's scary enough when rats are just like on the actual train platform sometimes which I have been around but yeah, I've seen a lot of a lot of weird things in New York City and Not just in this hallway. You forget the weird things you see sometimes. I knew I became a New Yorker one time when I was talking with my mom one day on the phone. I was like, oh, I completely forgot about this. I saw a car on fire earlier today. I just saw a car on fire earlier in the day and then I went to work and it just completely escaped my mind. Yeah, like there's a guy, I used to work near Times Square and there was a guy who used to just rollerblade around with like fifteen rats on him nice like just like rats covering and they were like his pets so they weren't like you know freaking out or they were like trained to just hang on to him while you rollerbladed around Times Square oh my god that's awesome New York City how do I get to be that cool like just a guy covered in rats and like a g-string just on rollerblades in Times Square I don't know that's a cool guy older evil twin had a guy pee at my register while checking out I once saw on Canal Street a lady who had a baby goat and a baby carrier on her front and was just walking around with a small... With a baby goat? And the goat was wearing sunglasses, which was also great. I mean, that's pretty cool. It was just on her front, just legs out and everything in the mini-me carrier. Now I want to get a baby goat and put sunglasses on it. Just wear it around. She got a lot of attention. I have a picture of it somewhere. Maybe I'll post it on the Discord later if I remember. But anyway, that's all to say, any four books by Frank Conniff, get one free. Check it out. And if you're enjoying watching the program you're watching tonight and you like watching me just get progressively drunker as the evening goes along, but you don't like the... Progressively. Well, I'm, I'm, I'm, are you drinking? I mean, this is a thing called a beat box. It's like, it's like a smear. It's like a smear off ice. I'm just getting a little loose over here. You know, I'm not getting too crazy. You know, I'm like, I don't think I've ever drive us home. You know, I don't think I've ever been like, we host shows all the time together. I don't think I've ever been like, Oh, Matt's drinking tonight. I drink occasionally, especially when I'm back home and I don't have access to the stuff that I smoke or anything like that. I'm just getting a little loose. I could drive us home. We'll be fine. If you're enjoying watching all of this, but those pesky Twitch ads keep cutting you off, grr. You should check out the Dumb Industries Mystery Hour Mystery Club. It's free to join, dumb-industries.com forward slash mystery hour. Chris, I never commented this to you before, but you're very good at making up URL names. You can literally type in dumb-industries.com forward slash whatever you're looking for, basically, and it will come up on the website. The amount of times I'm putting together a promo and it's for like a random Mads movie and I just type in like dumb-industries.com forward slash, you know, Phantom from space. And it just like, it all, it all works. You've done a great job over there. Thank you. It's a, it's a real honor. No, I figured out how to do that a couple of years ago and now it's like, yeah, it's great. I mean, it's just whatever the easiest to remember thing you could possibly think it is. That's probably what it is. yeah so uh so yeah so if you're ever unclear on a url on our website just type in what's the most logical thing basically and it'll come up but it's a dumb dash industries.com forward slash mystery hour completely ad free completely free to join we leave the most recent show up uh for an entire week so if you miss us live you can catch that show for free until we put up a new new one uh the following week or if you'd like to kick in just two bucks a month which is uh, basically cheaper than you can get anything out in the real world right now, especially in tariff land. Uh, you know, uh, in tariff land, the new name for America I've just created right now. Uh, yeah, you can watch us, uh, watch everything. You know, we, like I said, we've been doing this for a couple of years. We've watched a whole bunch of training videos, uh, watch some weird religious stuff. We've watched at least, at least three episodes of big, at least three episodes of big foot and wild boy, which are all kind of the same episode a little bit, but, uh, Baywatch Nights, Vampires. Vampires, yeah. The Garfield Christmas special. We've watched all kinds of shit. Pokemon ripoffs, Transformers ripoffs, the GoBots. So check it out. It's a good hang. Plus it gives us a little bit of scratch so we don't have to go out and get part-time jobs. Because you want us fresh here. You don't want me coming off a shift at TGI Fridays, you know, to be doing this. No, no. We need you in your best mood. You need me in my prime, which is drinking malt liquor on stream after having laid around all day watching Star Trek Enterprise while I gathered all the stuff for tonight. You always paint a picture, Matt. I love how pathetic my life is. So yeah, Mystery Club, all the plus memberships on the Dumb Industries website, that's what gets you access to the back catalog. Those are all now free for your first thirty days, so you can sign up. for every membership we have and it's free for thirty days and any plus membership also grants you access to the dumb odds and ends library which we just keep adding to and it's all the content that doesn't really fit anywhere else so the witching hour martian shadows matt and emmy and chris we got more stuff coming up there and you can watch it all for free for thirty days The video of the guy I keep chained to my radiator here. That's over there. Several childhood movies. The Day the Clown Cried starring Jerry Lewis. There's a lot of good stuff over there. And it just keeps growing. It just keeps growing. um so yeah so there's that and then as always we are doing one of our our patented uh mads are back sales every week we've been going through the show from the beginning all year because we have exactly a year's worth of episodes so uh right now we are on a night of shorts three which fun fact was the very first episode I ever worked on with the mads so uh this was when I joined the dumb industries family in honor of of A Night of Shorts III being on sale, I got this awesome backdrop of Sonny Bono from that marijuana short. Look at him. He looks kind of concerned. He looks great. In the movie, he's just very stoned. He looks like he's really hit a tree. I mean, hit a wall with his marijuana stuff. Yeah, that was the first show you worked on, Matt. That's right. Yeah, that was when I joined the dumb family. You were like, hey, I need someone to help me moderate these shows, and that was my first gig over here. That's great. You were like, sure, sure, I'll do it. I'm working for the Center for Reproductive Rights as a paralegal, and I hate my life. I'd rather do literally anything else, so... Uh, so yeah, so that's, uh, so that's fun. And that's, uh, just six bucks through Sunday with promo code blowgrass. So, uh, so go over there, type in blowgrass and for, for six dollars, which is the cost of one, uh, Subway value meal, as I found out the other day, uh, when I went to go get my, my chicken teriyaki on Italian herb bread sandwich that I like, uh, So for the price of one Italian herb chicken teriyaki sandwich, you can have an entire episode of The Mads are back. Yes. Or you can enter hashtag blowgrass in the chat right now, either on Twitch or on our website. and you'll be in the running for a free download of the night of shorts three there's some other really good shorts in that one uh oh the peter drucker one is oh yeah managing time shorts three which we have peter drucker merch now right so we do if you would if you need a a planner that helps you manage your time you can now buy one that says managing time on the outside yes let me put this on the screen here which is a concept that I came up with. Matt came up with this entirely. This is a real notebook. This is my baby. Got Drucker on the front. Drucker time. It's... why would you not want that you know it's uh you can have his stern face just reminding you to manage your time better every time you go to open that so I know uh wait where is peter drucker gives me the vibe like he was probably like one of those people who like uh like fled from germany in the forties and went to argentina after the war ended like he feels like he could have been yeah like uh like an enemy officer at one point like he's got some really evil vibes to him You just reminded me too. Yes, you do need to get that notebook, by the way. Everyone, go get that notebook. But, sorry, I got so distracted and then I forgot what I was gonna mention. All right. Let's choose. Oh, that's what I was going to mention. We have more shout outs to do. And our first one here is from our friend Spiroscythe. Spiroscythe. Thank you. Is there a fever dream meme this week? We've got a fever dream. A fever meme. From Spiroscythe. Every week he's been sending us memes that he makes. Hang on. I need to take a drink before I look at this. Yeah. Just discussing things that have happened, you know, at Dumb Industries in the past week. I found some of his old ones here too. This one is Dumb Assemble. That rocks. I don't even remember talking about most of these things. I was about to say, when did we talk about Lethal Weapon III? Attack of the Dumb is a good one. Here's the most recent one. This one is called Mortal Dumbat. Nice. Oh, now this is cool. All right. I always look like I have some type of like, uh, like a thyroid condition or something. The way you look at my head. You know what I look like? I kind of look like that. Uh, do you remember that, uh, police sketch of the Unabomber when he came out? Like I look kind of like that. Now who is that in the top upside down? I can't tell. Um, Oh, is that reefer Matt from reefer madness? Maybe. could be or it could be maybe like rick male from those nintendo commercials that I use sometimes oh okay because he showed up some of those I think I think that's abe pagoda from the fish commercial that I used on the far left uh oh yeah there's abe pagoda oh yeah the guy who's getting his feet rubbed that I definitely know that guy's weird face from anywhere did we talk about elvis when did we talk about elvis I mean I'm sure we did The Ninja Turtle with the penis thing. Yeah, this is a very kind of, I think this is sort of a pre-show heavy. Oh yeah, because the Squirtle's from that clip that I showed with Norm MacDonald where he was in a Pokemon fight on his show that he had briefly. I love it. And there's look, I'm a tattoo on that on Elvis. Oh yeah. That's sick. We should make press on tattoos of like, uh, various industries, things of our faces of, you know, I do. I do want to get a, like a real tattoo, a dumb industries tattoo on my arm. Somehow that's coming soon. All employees must get this tattoo right here. Mark of the beast. Would it be great if tribulations are coming? I was born with a tattoo that looked like the dumb logo. I'm going to start telling people that that's how I came up with it. You know, I've never got a tattoo. I've made a lot of weird, dubious decisions in my life. It's not that I'm opposed to tattoos. I could just never think of anything that I like so much that I just want it on me forever. It just really comes down to that. Oh, my God. Spiroscythe also says, how about Palpatine scatting about unlimited bread at Olive Garden? Oh. All right, Spyro Scythe. Unlimited breadsticks, oh. Giant bowl of salad, oh. Bad chicken marsala, oh. Big weird restaurant in Times Square, oh. Everyone stutters one way or the other, so listen to the scatman here. Unlimited scatting! That was great. Thank you, Spyro Scythe. Thank you, Spyro Scythe. I hope that was sufficient. Oh, we got another one here. It is from Natalie L. Thank you so much, Natalie. Natalie, thank you so much. Natalie says, Columbo and Matlock solving a crime. Okay, I'll be Columbo. You be Matlock. I can be Matlock. All right, I'll just be like investigating the body and then you come in, okay? Okay. I haven't seen anything like this before. Hello there. Are you that there, Lieutenant Columbo? Oh, yes. Pleased to meet you, sir. Lieutenant Columbo. What's your name? I am Matt. What's Matlock's first name? I don't even know. I'm Lawyer Matlock. I'm here to check on your progress in this case. Oh, well, sir, I just found a dead body. It's going to be quite some time before we know what happened here. Lieutenant Columbo, I'm going to be honest, I don't know spit about detective stuff, but I know when I was a little shaver and me and my grandpappy used to sit back crackleberry crick, hunting for large mouth bass, just frying them up, that he would occasionally say that if it's still wiggling around, it ain't dead, and he looks like he's wiggling around a little still. Well, now, sir, I'm going to have to stop you right there. This man is dead. Well, then why is he twitching still? Well, maybe sometimes the body moves a little bit. Your bowels move around, and that could be what's going on here. Anyway, I wanted to ask you a question, sir. Oh, sure, Steve. How did you know that this murder even took place? Um, well, um... Shit! Just, like, run. Uh, why does he have an erection? Uh, I was kind of stealing a little bit. There was, I think Phil Hartman used to do a, uh, uh, Andy Griffith impression and there was a whole like spiel he went on about like Crackleberry Crick and I've, I've always loved that. Yeah. I never really watched Matlock. People were speculating in his first name. Well, let's see. Oh, it's Ben Matlock? Ben Matlock. Okay, that makes sense. And he says it's Matlock. That would be a good name. Like his name is actually Matt. His last name is Locke. I haven't watched a ton of Matlock, but the Matlock theme is tremendously underrated, I think. It's a great one. It is. All right, let's pick a winner here. We'll do more shout outs in the next break. Tom K. Thirty five. Congrats. Congratulations. You did it. You did it. Shoot me an email. Chris at dumb dash industries dot com. I will get you a download of a night of shorts three. And don't forget, everyone. A night of shorts three is fifty percent off through Sunday with promo code. blow grass blow grass yes congratulations tom I bought a fun thing about following the show for a long time as you can tell when I'm on like a manic upswing and when I'm and this is one of those shows tonight I feel like god baby um congrats tom uh so yeah so that's going on and uh and with that I think that takes us to uh this week in dumb right it does All right. All right. This past Friday, we had an all new chit chat and tidbits, which is the, uh, bonus live stream marriage appeal. And I do every month for members of marriage appeal show clubhouse. It was a fun one. We answered more questions that we didn't get a chance to answer in our, uh, previous show to ask us anything. And, uh, see what did we discuss that night we um I heard I didn't I didn't watch I was I was getting I was preparing my taxes and being a good adult but I heard that my my old navy pullover came up again yes someone would like to buy your old navy pull up they and they want to pay good money for it too Oh, interesting. Does it have to still smell like me? This sounds like a very kind of like buying, like in Japan, how they sell like underpants and vending machines. It feels like one of those kinds of requests. Yeah, don't wash it. Don't wash it. Keep it, you know, go run a marathon. Well, I have to say I bought that from an Old Navy in like two thousand and four or something. And the peak of Old Navy. yeah I prefer the new navy myself but uh let's see we oh someone someone asked if I ever considered uh doing like reading books that people can fall asleep to because my the sound of my voice makes the people very relaxed yeah you do have a real asmr kind of quality yeah so I'm considering just selling dumb industries and just doing that with the rest of my life I think you could get away with doing like, like reading smut. Cause you have one of those voices where you could like, you know, read like, uh, what, what's the, the book that's like smut. That's big now. Like the, the court of thorn and roses. It's kind of like the new game of Thrones kind of just start reading those kinds of things. Yeah, no, I, I could go on Reddit erotica and find, you know, some weird guys stories. And I've thought of both shades says I should do voice acting. Yeah. I would love to get into the voice acting world. yeah how do you get into that I guess you would have to move I had talked to him our friend brian mcginnis is the voice of uh the bear oh yeah he's a robot if you guys ever seen the bear in a robitussin ad we know that guy or talk to dana gould or something dana how did you get to be gex just drunkenly like call him one night he just tweeted about how are you gex He was just here. He's posting on Facebook about GAC side. We could probably, I wonder if we reach out to Dana, we can get him to come on super dumb bros and play some GACs. Is there a way for us to play GACs even even on any consoles right now? Doubt it, but it's gotta be like, you know, an emulator somewhere. Maybe. I don't think Dana would turn us in. He might. Um, he already got paid for everything. What does he care? That's true. Uh, anyway, residuals from Gex, probably the latest chit chat and tidbits is now on demand for all members of the marriage. You appeal to a clubhouse. Just put that link in the chat and the clubhouse. Of course. Yes. You're going to want to check that out to find out who's horny for my old Navy pullover. Uh, yeah uh we also discussed okay wildest acts of rebellions uh we discussed our favorite disco songs that's right gym membership contracts movies tv music you must experience before you die It was a good one, folks. Fascinating. It sounds like a real Barbara Walters kind of experience you had. You really got to the core of all of you. So that happened on Friday. And then next after that, Monday, March third, twenty twenty five. For those of you keeping track or watching this broadcast way in the future, it was the next Super Dumb Brothers. We played Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword. part two where I got uh slightly further than I did the last time we played but not much but most importantly peter from riff tracks joined us so yeah it was exciting we had we got to talk some twilight zone we got to talk some riff tracks uh yeah our friend peter hunter who's uh marketing director over at riff tracks great guy came on to discuss the riff tracks kickstarter which they just announced that day and uh it's been funded it got funded oh yesterday nice they already met their goal nice because it was like seventy five percent the way there and we were just on the other day so I know it was you know I think they they're always blown away just by the community's generosity and uh it's always just so cool to see when they announce it just how quickly it goes up it's shocking what you can achieve on kickstarter when you're asking for you know uh you know uh you know like a decent amount of money and your goals are clear and everything so it's uh yeah that's not a jab at anyone um So, uh, yeah, check out, um, if you haven't already backed the Kickstarter, they're going to have some stretch goals that they're going to be announcing soon. I can't say anything about that. And, um, and, uh, yeah and then that episode it was so much fun because peter's a huge zelda and just overall nintendo talk about a lot of good zelda stuff uh we played some riff tracks the game it's always fun playing those things with him because he's very integral into like putting like the new clip packets for those together and kind of getting inside his brain about his process when he does those And just learning about the process of like, you know, because I think someone asked why they didn't do it live anymore. And kind of learning about the process of like when they do all the stuff through like Fathom events, how that all works. And that's all very interesting to me. Yeah. Check that episode out. He's a good guy. And check out his Twilight Zone. Yeah, his new Twilight Zone. The Monsters. Monsters Are Due. And you can get that at themonstersareduepodcast.com. Yeah, it's a new Twilight Zone podcast he does with his wife. They're going through each episode of Twilight Zone. It's great. Everyone check that out. Sick. And then, let's see, Tuesday, March fourth, we debuted an all-new episode of Martian Shadows. We did. Which is the program that Emmy Martian produces. I put the Twatch stream together for it. right uh it's emmy martian riffing on old episodes of dark shadows sometimes they walk through a door sometimes they walk through doors they look at a painting sometimes uh but things happened in this one and to talk more about that ladies and gentlemen I gave you miss emmy martian ah wow now you're getting real creative with fucking with us hold on stop in the inner I gotta let the whole thing play because it's too much You know, because you went off early, I think you should play it one more time. Okay, one more time. Okay, calm down. Calm down. Okay. Whoa. Whoa. Hey, Emmy. It's good to see everybody out there in TV land. Yeah, and you got the cool hat. I love that hat. Some days are hat day. It's that it was the hat day. Welcome to the program, Emmy Cottontail. Good to see all y'all. Yeah. Let's get right to it. Martian Shadows. Martian Shadows. Episode twelve. Thank you for putting together the Twitch stream, by the way, Matt. You did a wonderful and lovely job with that. Thank you. And apparently you saw some of the Martian Shadows as well. I did. Yeah, you saw some people staring at paintings and walking through doors and putting on jackets. Don't forget putting on jackets. That's an essential part of the Collinsport, Collinswood, Collinsy, Collinsness lore. You know, people say that Seinfeld is the show about nothing, but I think Dark Shadows might have them beat a little bit. Yeah, they invented it. uh padding the show yeah that's that's why I riff it because because yeah I know and it's such perfect riffing material and you're so you're so good at it um this one was an absolute just joy because stuff did happen and so like literally I got done writing it like I got I was like oh is that is that it I was like is it already I was like holy crap I was like that was okay cool yeah um yeah no uh so episode twelve and we put that up on demand in the odds and ends library so and those number twelve I can't believe I've done twelve of those there's a year's worth of programs now if we if we do one a week yeah or one a month yeah you know what I mean shut up you do we do look and uh yeah we're debuting yeah sorry good no no uh we're debuting new episodes the first tuesday of every month so there'll be another one in april everyone come back to twitch and watch that and uh you can always catch those on demand in the dumb odds and ends library um and that was on tuesday but of course last night emmy it's your night Weird and wonderful Wednesday watch-alongs. Oh, yeah, that too. That also happens. You know, the first week of the month, it's a busy week for me. For you, yeah. It's a nice break for y'all. It's a little break for us. We make you do everything this first week. Alright, it's Emmys week. Handle all this shit. Well, yeah, but we watched Mr. Hoppity Goes to Town. It's Hoppity Goes to Town or Mr. Bug Goes to Town, so I always get them mixed in. It's got like two titles. Yeah, one of those. But Hoppity is, I think, its original title because that is the grasshopper character. There is some good... You know, I... I'm not a fan of cartoons with like, you know? I thought you were just about to say you're not a fan of cartoons. I know. But I'm not a fan necessarily of like, yeah, exactly right. Thank you, Matt. We picked out some weird ones for the Cartoon Funhouse afterwards. We picked out some super weird ones, and I was about to say something totally different, but I don't care because just chat if the other, because I know there's some people here who probably weren't might not have been there last night if you don't know about like because it was kind of a whole night of cartoon fun house and I had some I had some crazy weird ass cartoons I don't know where I found excuse my vernacular there um um yeah no if you guys have not yet been to a weird and wonderful wednesday watch along Totally free to join. Totally free. And it's a great hang. Emmy does a whole pre-show, shows the movie. We hang out and we watch cartoons. Even when the movie isn't a cartoon, we still hang out and we watch cartoons afterwards because I hate cartoons. So that's why I worked. comics and cartoons is is for that's why I worked for like two two decades it's like the only job I've had for more than three years of my life well that's what they tell you surround yourself with things that you hate well that eventually you're going to love them that's what I've done with my life so That's the only job I could hold outside of this for more than three years at a time, which was the comic book store or whatever. It's a great hang. Everyone should join that membership. Totally for you to join. And next week we've got some noir coming up. You saw the trailer there with Sterling Hayden for Crime Wave. Great trailer. Looks very cool. It's not your usual noir. It's a little bit outside the box noir. That's why I picked it. So... But I had to, you know, every once in a while, chat bugs me. The fans, they're like, Emmy, can we watch some? And I'm like, yeah. How about some Crime Wave, y'all? Crime Wave would be good. You gotta listen to the fans, you know? Yeah. Um... Shade says it's the community that makes it amazing. Chris, come hang out with us. Matt, come hang out. I know. I've missed the past few weeks because I've been traveling and seeing my parents a lot lately. I do watch more than you'd think. I'm just not always in the mood to kind of talk to people. But I am there with you in spirit, not unlike the Lord Jesus Christ. So I am watching. Yeah. I appreciate it. We love, uh, we, yeah, whenever I'm able to, Jen and I put it on so many times and just sit on the couch and watch it. And that's our, our evening. But, uh, it's a great hang. What else can we say? It's a good, it's a good hang. It's a chill time. It's, I feel like we're talking about like a party that you'd have. It's a good hang. You know, Brian brings a keg over and, uh, Joel and the boys have a super smash bros tournament. It's a good hang. Uh, Oh, you know, I'm sorry. What were you going to say? I was going to ask if I have time to stick around. Yes. Well, I was going to ask the same thing. Do you have time to stick around for our intermission video? I love this weird tradition we have now where we have to invite Emmy like she's a vampire. I mean, why do you think I have dark shadow? Why do you think I'm wearing these? I mean, come on. You're in the basement from Barbarian. That's my favorite weird part of vampire lore is that they have to be invited places. Look, if you get close enough off to my skin, you can actually, it's translucent. You can see right through this. Yeah, I think you're the only person who's maybe paler than I am. Like, I look like a Puerto Rican person compared to you, and normally I look like I'm, you know, like, you know, like I'm, yeah, like I'm the color of, you know, like the cap of the booze I've been drinking tonight, so it's a... Well, it's time for intermission, and Emmy's hanging out with us, so let's get into her. Let's do this. OK, calm down. All right. So for tonight's video, I have found I debated putting this in the pre show, but I feel like this deserves just a full watch with all of us on on our own. There is a Hasidic Jewish like broadcasting company who has created a children's television show called Five-ish. And I'm not making this up. Five-ish is just an anthropomorphic five dollar bill. A Jewish broadcasting company has made a children's show that's about money that talks. And it feels like one of those things that should be like, it feels like a parody, but they legitimately made this to like educate Jewish children. And it feels like a fever dream. And here it is now. Five-ish is going to teach us how to prepare for Shabbos. And it's kind of a good song. And I'll need all your help out there too. Can you help me? Just a stack of money come to life. That's the Jewish. I did extensive Googling to make sure this wasn't a parody because I just couldn't believe it. I know it almost seems like a sketch you'd see in a TV show that was like making fun of someone who would put this kind of commercial together. Yeah. Oh, I did a five dollar bill. All I can say is... You know what's sad is that there's someone in our audience tonight who's never heard of Shabbos before and their first exposure to it's gonna be probably five-ish. Well... I gotta tell you something, Matt. I don't have a religious background. Yeah, Swap Wizard says, I feel like this is a Tim Robinson bit, totally. I know who Cesar Chavez is. Is that... Are they related? Cesar Chavez? He's the... He's the Jewish man who bought our farm rights. That's not... I do like the... Diddle-dum, diddle-do, diddle-doo. Start punctuating our show with, like, diddle-dum, diddle-do, diddle-doo. Lodak says, not a parody, just a deep undercover operation by David Duke. A special something to prepare for Shabbos. Yes. This had to go through so many meetings to become a thing, and not one Jewish person on the board of whatever production company this was was like, um, maybe not. I'm just glad I wore a hat. That's great. I've got my hat. I'm all ready. Wait, what did he have? Was that kosher meat in his hand there? Sausage? Hell yeah. Stare at my dick! Where's Ben Shapino? Yeah, where's Ben Shapiro? Fiveish actually is one of my very best friends. Fiveish is here to expose the Woke Elitists. But why is he five-ish? Is he only, like, is he missing, like... Because he's, like, a stack of money, so he's, like, five dollars. Yeah, it wasn't even, like, a stack of, like, twenties or fifties. It's, like, five dollars. That's all it... If we just need to, you know, unintentionally perpetuate the stereotypes about Jews and money, here's the, like, lowest denominator of money to make you horrified. I mean, if Star Trek Next Generation can do it, then, you know, who's stopping anybody else? Are you talking about the Ferengi? Ha ha ha! I mean, I'm not talking about the Trade Federation from Star Wars anyways. Hey, the Trade Federation from Phantom Menace is very timely right now with all their taxation of trade routes, and George Lucas was ahead of the curve. He knows, he understands what a terrorist is. He said that back then, people complaining about, he's like, that's how every war starts. It always starts with a trade war. Very disagreeable. I'm just picturing, like, Newt Gunroy just, like, being mad about the Trump tariffs. He put twenty-five percent on everything from Canada. This was not a part of our bargain. I mean, these are the evils that we must fight, you know? I've got my, yeah. Well, five-ish, everyone. And there's lots of five-ish videos out there if you go and Google it. So if you're looking to fall down a rabbit hole later tonight, yeah, I don't know why they did this, but it's out there. You know, if you're interested, there's lots more information about Cesar Chavez out there. Cesar Chavez, yeah. Please educate yourself. Go watch the Ben Shapiro program where he, I'm sure, is good friends with five-ish. Don't watch Ben Shapino, okay? Don't ever. Never. You can hire me. You can get some min-ex with me if you want to hire me to be on your... No, I'm joking. Please don't. Emmy, we have so much to get to. We're going to bid you farewell. I was going to show you my one tattoo. I have one tattoo. It's on my foot, though, so... On that, I'm going to bid everybody a good night. It's true. Unless anyone wants to see Emmy's foot. DM for feet pics. I'm telling you, the dumb only fans. All of our feet. All of us. Tattooed, not tattooed. You've got a whole wide plethora. What more could you ask for? What do you want? My feet, Chris's feet, Brother Ichabod's feet, which are just my feet, but painted green. You know, If you send it off, we'll have a scratch and sniff card where you can like scratch and you can hold it up. It's like you're really there. Has anyone ever made a porno that's like has a scratch and sniff card like, you know, a polyester from John's daughters? I was going to say polyester. This one smells like fish. Anyway, how about those? Okay, calm down. Goodbye, everybody. Thanks for hanging out. uh we have fun here streamyard just uh did a little update I'm still getting used to transitions here so if things seem weird or jarring that's why also it's all matt's fault too yeah blame it blame it all on me I'm the convenient scapegoat just because I'm drinking from a carton over here you know you think you can blame everything on me uh yeah emmy martian everyone tv at ten she's doing will be later tonight so at ten o'clock if you need stuff to watch that'll be happening on dumb weird check it out check it out uh I love how unhinged this program is becoming, and I'm here for it. I'm completely here for it. I had my finger over the video, and then before I even had a chance to say it, I just pressed click. No, it's perfect. I love it. Tell us what's coming soon to Dumb, Chris. All right, coming up this Saturday. We have an all-new Jackie Naiman Jones Paint Parties. And Paint Parties is the online art class for everyone. We do every fourth Saturday of the month, we do Jackie Naiman Jones, The Hands of Paint, which is our B-movie-themed online art class. But then every... Second Saturday, we do paint parties where we paint just all kinds of stuff, landscapes, pets. Everyone did their pets last month. This month, we're doing the Tree of Life. This is the painting Jackie is going to be working off of. nice it's beautiful I can't wait to see what students do with this um and I keep saying this but I feel like even if you feel like oh I can never do art or I'm not an artist or whatever I still urge you sign up for class it's completely free for your first month And just hang out. I am not an art person. I tell the story all the time about how when I was in high school art, you know, we had to do like a self portrait one time and then we got to like the part where we had like shade the portrait and mine looked OK, but we got like the shading part and I shaded mine and then I looked like a burn victim like in my picture and I had to like turn it in. So that's the kind of person I am. I do a lot of things. Well, like I play music, I, you know, I, I do the stuff for our, our programs here, but I have never been like a drawing or painting kind of, that is not one of my gifts. And I've done several of these and they've all turned out, uh, fairly. All right. You know, it's a, I love the work you've done in this class. So if I can, if I can do it, if, if, if my degenerate ass can figure this out, then you can too. So, uh, just come even if you don't want to draw just come for the hang like it's just very relaxing jackie is teaching us live from her studio in portland she tells like neat stories about her childhood and stuff yeah she's just so uh encouraging and relaxing and inspiring and take a nap to it you know it's a saturday afternoon when it happens if you want to just put it on and have like a bob ross kind of figure you know because it's it's a very asmr kind of experience you know like she has a good microphone that picks up all the brush strokes like we're not offended if you just turn this on at three and then just like take a big nap during it you know like and you've got uh yeah no exactly and you've um you've got the whole back catalog to go through we've been doing the show for the class for almost three years so there's tons of classes you can just put on and paint to and I do a pre-show for all of them, which is someone described it the other day as like me using my powers for good, which I like that because it's like it's me finding just like stuff that's what is going on with. Because I'm still I'm still learning all the different ways that this could go wrong. Oh, no. It's five-ish again. But what I was going to say is. I love it. I always love raffling off a seat to class for Jackie's classes. If you're watching this live, enter hashtag paint parties and you'll be in the running for a free class this Saturday, March eighth at three PM Eastern. You too can paint the tree of life. Is that like the tree from like, cause it doesn't like the don't like the Thor movies. They have like a tree of life or something. Is that like a Norse mythology thing? I think it is just like a mythology thing. You could make it like Loki kind of themed or something. Yeah, if you wanted to. What's fun about these classes is everybody puts their own little kind of personal spin on the paintings. So if you have a particular tree of life you're looking to do, do it, you know, and show us all. Email your pictures when you get them done to Chris or Emmy and we'll put them on the show. Yes, that's my favorite part is just putting everyone's paintings on the screen. That's great. It's a neat time. It's a good hang. We have a couple shout-outs to do while you guys are getting your entries in. First one. Oh, it's so sweet. This one comes from Jackie B. Jackie, thank you. Matt B. donated earlier. Our fellow distant lover from earlier. Yeah. That sounds weird the way you phrased that. Not mine, but you know, like it's, you know, I'm going to stop talking. Jackie says, so thankful for all of dumb. Could Gollum sing a welcome home song for Matt B.? Oh, interesting. What's a good welcome home song? Uh, Oh, you know what I could do? Uh, I could do like the welcome back. Cotter theme song is Gollum. There you go. Oh, it's like, hang on. I, I'm Googling all the, the words to this because this was a program that was on like three years ago. I was born. I know most of it, but I, it's like, so yeah. So you can do mom. I'm coming home. Ooh. Yeah. I was doing the Aussie thing earlier. That's, that's better. I'm going to do that. Uh, so, uh, So here we go. Here's Gollum singing Mama, I'm Coming Home by Ozzy Osbourne. I think I've done this before, but that's okay. Times have changed and times are strange. Here I come, but I want the same. Jacky, I'm coming home. Times go by, it seems to be. You could have been a better friend to me. Jacky, I'm coming home. You took me in and you drove me out. Yeah, you had me hypnotized. Lost and found and turned around by the fire in your eyes. Selfish love, yeah, we're both alone The rise before the fall But I'm gonna take this hardest turn I've just got to have it all I'm almost done I've seen your face a thousand times Every day we've been And I don't care about the sunshine, yeah. Cause Jackie, Jackie, I'm coming home. I'm coming home. Thank you, Jackie. Adrian Brody, everyone. Did you see that? Adrian Brody gave the longest Oscar speech in history. Oh, yeah, I saw that where he was like, don't play the music. He was such a dick, too. Yeah, he was so rude about it. He was like, no, no, no, come on, cut that off. He's like, I've been up here before. So I dislike Adrian Brody. I think he's a fine actor, whatever. He seems like he's a bit of an ass of a person to be around, though. It's between that and the Halle Berry thing that he did. And then also there's that famous clip of him on SNL when he just does a Jamaican impression. That was bad. uh recent adrian brody thing I guess it's not recent it's been the last ten years I watched uh because I love houdini I have a weird houdini fascination and there was a houdini miniseries that adrian brody was in And there's a great scene where he's in the hospital after that and he's like, you know, he did like one of his Houdini experiments. He's in the hospital and he's like, I need to think of a new trick or something to do. And then a nurse puts down a glass of ice water on his bedside table and he just looks at it and he goes, ice. And then it cuts to him doing like the ice trick that Houdini does. And I'm like, I love that. It's ice. All right, let me pick a winner here. You're going to win a seat to class this Saturday. Jackie Damon Jones Paint Parties. The Tree of Life. sharp sharp doggy way to go I feel like sharp doggies won a seat to this class a few times you rigging our contest I'll cut you no I'm kidding congrats I'm gonna cut you uh sharp doggy shoot me an email chris dumb dash industries.com way to go uh a regular I love your I and I've never counted on this before I love your magneto was right uh avatar it's fun oh I didn't like it I just I I've always seen that but I've never really looked at it now I see it now Magneto is a great character. Who would ever thought in the sixties when someone made a character named Magneto that they would through the years, uh, make it, you know, a character so good that it's literally better than every other X-Men combined. I remember as a kid, when I first saw the name, I, for a long time, me and my friends, we all said Magneto until some comic book nerd corrected us. Oh, interesting. I guess I grew up in the nineties when that show was already a thing. Right. The show wasn't on yet. So it was just, there was no, magneto it was just we were like oh magneto he sort of like when I read harry potter for the first time and I just called hermione hermione in my head the whole time and I watched the movie I'm like oh that's how you say that okay that's great um okay way to go sharp doggy congrats congrats uh and then what else we have coming up uh yeah so uh so there's that paint parties and then tuesday march eighteenth twenty twenty five it's the next movie joe night uh we're back on our usual tuesday schedule we did friday last time but we're back on tuesdays this time and uh this month we are doing I'm very excited about this I found the clip and everything for it we're doing baffled starring leonard nimoy as a psychic race car driver I'm not making any of that up uh so if you would like to watch that and watch chris and mary jo comment on it it's uh I know that's a bit of a spoiler but I feel like it's one of those minor spoilers that's more liable to make people watch it than not yeah because he's he's a he's a he's a psychic formula one race car driver leonard mr spock uh it's gonna be baffling russ morianky you said it and this is also we did shatner before he was on uh pray for the wildcats so now we have had uh this is our second foray into to star trek stars just uh uh having no shame and just trying to make money in the seventies before the movie started so um so it'd be a good time yeah come back for that tuesday march eighteenth it'll be right here on twitch and ad free in the marriage appeal show clubhouse um And I still need to get back to someone messaged me in Facebook saying they have a nice HD copy of this that they could send me. Yes, I think I got that same message. I think it was Eric who sent me that. So if you're listening, I got your message. My life is a mess. I'm sorry I haven't responded yet. But yes, we are very interested in that. okay then Tuesday March twenty fifth is an all new episode of the marriage appeal show we're doing a game show episodes we haven't done in a while and we're still sorting out the details of that but Mary Jo and I have something super fun in the works yeah those game nights you do always always do really well because you've done you've done several kind of these before you did a dating show you've done uh we did password password um so it's gonna be another one of those so so if you enjoyed the the here comes the dinosaurs to tell the truth you did that one time oh yeah that's right so if you like that kind of vibe that's gonna be happening on the so check that out And we've got a lot of stuff in March. Head to our website, dumb-industries.com. Get on our newsletter. I urge you. That's the best place to keep up on all things dumb. Next week we have a free Tuesday, so you never know what might pop up in that time slot. That's right. So get on the newsletter, everyone. And what do you say, Matt? Should we get into our feature presentation? No! Okay. All right. So we finally made it. Thank you, everybody, for listening to our spiel. We appreciate it. Now is the time that you have all been waiting for. There's donuts in the hallway. There's donuts in the hallway. This feels like one of those things in the nineties where it's like, you know, they would pitch you like a timeshare and then you'd get like free satellite TV. It's like, you've all listened to our spiel. So now go. You all get your DirecTVs now. That actually happened to my parents, and they got into a giant argument with the timeshare people because they didn't want to give up the DirecTV, and my mom was like, we sat here and listened to your bullshit. You were going to give us that satellite, and it was like a three-hour argument, and she won. We'll have her on to tell that story sometime. uh but on tonight's festivities becky riser a hero of the people went to a timeshare thing uh and got the free satellite tv without buying a timeshare a real a real bench uh nineties cartoons for tonight uh so as I said at the top of show we will not be doing x-men or spider-man because those are legitimately good and I have all of just the weirdest shittiest uh nineties shows for all of you to pick from tonight in terms of marvel cartoons part of the same continuity though these are all in the same continuity as X-Men or Spider-Man. But we have first off Silver Surfer, which is probably the best of these. They made a whole Silver Surfer cartoon in the nineties. This is not the pilot. This is a doctor. It's like an island of Dr. Moreau take with Silver Surfer. So, so that can be fun. I watched this show in the nineties. I have a Galactus toy. That's like giant from this show somewhere in my parents' house. And, uh, it's pretty true to the lore, very Jack Kirby ish. So, uh, so that's fun. And then after that we have Spider-Man unlimited. This was a program that was made in the late nineties. That was a response to Batman beyond kind of where Spider-Man, uh, attached to a rocket flown by Jonah Jameson's son, who was an astronaut, went to somewhere called Counter-Earth, which is controlled by the... Who was the bad guy from Guardians of the Galaxy III? I wanted to say the Ultra-Humanite, but that doesn't sound right. I still haven't seen the third one. It's the bad guy from Guardians of the Galaxy III who made, like, animal people. He controls this whole, like, alien Earth, and Spider-Man is doing Spider-Man stuff on, like, an alien planet with, like, animal people, basically. Mm-hmm. The Grand Evolutionary. I think that's what his name was. The High Evolutionary. There we go. There you go. There you go. Thank you, everybody. So that guy. So that's the big bad guy in Spider-Man Goes to That Planet. And I have the pilot of that, but I think I have just episode two where it explains everything from the first episode. Spider-Man Unlimited. Spider-Man Unlimited. Okay. Thank you. After that, we have the Iron Man cartoon. I have an episode of this. This was a horrible show that I watched as a child. And this is the episode about Ultimo, I believe. So if you would like to watch Iron Man and Force Works, his horrible version of the Avengers that he put together in the nineties that featured Hawkeye and Spider Woman and Sentry, but not the Sentry that's going to be in Thunderbolts. and War Machine. If you'd like to watch all of them fight a shitty hero or a shitty villain called Ultimo while the Mandarin and Modok watch in the background, that is what that episode is. And then lastly, we have the Fantastic Four. There was a Fantastic Four cartoon in the nineties. And this one specifically is the one featuring Mole Man that includes the, the Human Torch rap, which I have featured in our pre-shows before where the Human Torch sings an entire horrible rap song. And that song is featured in its entirety in this episode. So Mole Man rapping Human Torch. What's not to love? Lastly, we have our wild card. From last week, we did some Mystery Hour favorites, and what came in second place is Supermarket Sweep. So if you would like to watch Dave Ruprecht just have contempt for a number of, you know, sort of simple-minded people while they run around a fake supermarket set throwing a thousand hams in their carts, that is what that is. So, yeah. Why is Master Torgo saying no wild card this week? It's Supermarket Sweep! My favorite show. That is the wild card. I like the from the year five thousand. The Human Torch was denied a bank loan from Anchorman. Uh, it is a good selection. I'm excited. I personally, if I have to recommend one, Spider-Man Unlimited is very unhinged and it is, uh, and it's, I actually have both parts one and one and two in our, uh, iCloud if you, depending on how, because they're like, I don't know how crazy Chris wants to get with stuff tonight, but definitely you should put on part two if you're, uh, if we get that one, because it does explain part one, you know, and like when those previously on Spider-Man, it's like the entire episode in five minutes and you're like, Oh yeah. Uh, but if you want to go a little longer there, you can, you can do it. There's one more shout out we got here. Okay. What you got? Uh, this is from Ryan S. Thank you so much. Ryan. Thank you, bud. This is great. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan. Ryan says, David Lynch asking Randy Newman to make a theme song to Eraserhead. Okay. You'll be Randy Newman. I'll be David Lynch. I love it. Randy, I'm so glad to run into you. Can I ask you something? Oh, sure, David. I'm Randy. What do you want? I'm working on a new movie. It's called Eraserhead, and I need a theme song. Is that something you could come up with? I think I could do that. Do you have a pointed-up film synopsis you could send me? Oh, I could just tell you about it. It's about a baby that's kind of like an alien, but it's not. And it's also in the presence of being supervised by his father who has no idea what it is. And he's horrified and it's scary and dark and weird. Say no more, fam. I got you. Erase ahead Erase in the future I got a little baby and it looks like a woman I wanna fuck the lady across the hall But my girlfriend had a baby who don't got no balls I said erase ahead baby Whoa, scary! Eraserhead, baby! Your family's weird, I said! Eraserhead, baby! My hair is crazy! Eraserhead, baby! What the fuck is this sound? Randy! Randy, I only have one question! Oh, sure. Do you accept Venmo? What's that? thank you ryan and scene thank you ryan um randy newman's still alive right he's still alive yeah I need to include he did an entire musical about faust that I found clips from and it's exactly what you would expect from a randy newman musical about faust where it's like faust there's a thousand circles of hell underneath the like it's that kind of vibe it's You know, they're doing a Toy Story vibe. I wonder if he's still got it in him. You got a friend in Faust. That's Randy. I mean, I love all the Toy Story movies, but... Toy Story four is all right. I keep saying that like Disney, they're obsessed with those live action remakes right now. Instead of doing those, just do like like, you know how they do like video game remakes where they have the same video game. They just like update the graphics. Just do that to some older Pixar movies because I watched Toy Story four and it's a fine movie. But I was I mean, it's all right. But it's like but I was really impressed because it's like, you know, like there's like light shining in through the windows. You can see like the dust in the air and like, man, if they gave that kind of treatment, the old movies, it would look great. well did you see the trailer for Shrek five people are freaking out because Shrek looks slightly different he doesn't even look that different I know I watched the trailer and I was like wait what's different and then I had to like watch twelve YouTube videos to just get like a side by side and I was like actually they're destroying our childhoods by making Shrek look slightly different it's so odd okay let's see whatever youtube videos were like all the thumbnails were like a guy looking like this yeah while shrek is on the screen it was I just couldn't believe that that we need to have one of those kinds of youtube presences where we just put a bunch of weird videos with us being like yeah on the side oh we will we will we got macaulay culkin um all right I'm gonna hit show all right let's see whatever's in the top spot is what we shall watch oh silver surfer by two wow supermarket sweep was two votes behind wow look I'm just happy I don't have to hook up my apple tv so uh so that's cool uh that's what would happen if we watched fantastic four uh yeah silver surfer that's uh I don't know if a lot of people have seen that cartoon but yes I very purposely chose not the origin because the silver surfer has a very boring jack kirby like uh you know very dune-esque kind of origin so uh so this is him just already silver surfer getting into island of dr moreau shenanigans enjoy everyone wait why is it uh hold on I heard it but I didn't see it There it is. There we go. Start over. It's Galactus's hand. It's Galactus's hand. Galactus is such a silly concept that the biggest threat to Earth is this weird purple man out in space who just eats planets. Look at him. Oh, so they mixed some CGI stuff. Yeah, they were big on that during this era. The Iron Man cartoon has a lot of that in it. The Spider-Man cartoon was like that too. Yeah, yeah. The planet of Dr. Moreau. The universe has been torn asunder. I have been betrayed. I have no penis anymore. It makes me sad. Do they, in the comics, do they explain how, like, all these alien beings in all parts of the galaxy all speak English? Uh, no. Thor. I think it's just, like, the Star Trek logic where you kind of assume they're speaking their own language, but they just do it for you. Right. Galactus! Return, Zella! Give me my Shalabal! He looks like he's riding on it like a giant tongue depressor yeah more so than like a surfboard I So now Julia Garner is going to play Silver Surfer in the Fantastic Four movie, apparently. Yeah. She'll be like, I don't know shit about fuck about Galactus. I don't know shit about fuck. Oh, it's the Watcher. It's a Watu. Oh. So this show is like really heavy on the Marvel cosmic type of stuff. Yeah, on all that Jack Kirby kind of shit. I love Watu the Watcher, just a giant baby in a toga who's like, I can't interfere with history, but I interfere with history all the time. Oh, Sharp Doggy says it's Eternity, not the Watcher. Well, he looked like the Watcher. I'm sorry. I think the Watcher was on What If, right? It was Jeffrey Wright. Yeah, yeah. He also shows up on The Guardian of the Galaxies, I think. Oh, did Jeffrey Wright voice him? No. It was the Stan Lee cameo in, like, the second, third one, something like that. Come on. Could you please put some pants on? We can all see your junk. Oh my god, Darth Plagueis. Look, it's Keith Richards. Oh my god. She has like that smoker mouth, you know, that weird wrinkly mouth like old smokers get. She's like an alien. That is kind of cool. Okay. This could come out now and it would be, like, praised as, like, going stylistically back to early CGI. Oh, yeah. You know, it's, like, actually really well done. The thick lines and everything. Silver Surfer's smooth between the legs like a Ken doll. Please, no trouble. The drinks are on the house. I need neither food nor drink. However, I do require information. I do require weed. Do you have anyone on your planet who sells it? What does the Herald of Galactus want with a world his master has already decided is inedible? No longer do I serve Galactus. I merely seek to return to my home world. So that's why Galactus turned away. I'm merely a Vin Diesel impersonator lost in the universe. By providing you to take him to other victims instead. That was never the intention. Intentions mean nothing, Surfer. What the fuck is happening? I know. When Silver Surfer was in the second Fantastic Four, did he have anything in his groin or was it just flat like that? I think it was just flat, yeah. That's the worst part of becoming a Herald of Galactus is your genitals are just taken from you. Can my mind accept what I've just heard? He didn't even leave a tip. Did the Fantastic Four ever pass through the show? No, I don't think so. Weird. I don't think Silver Surfer ever showed up. Well, I actually don't remember, but I think Galactus shows up in the Fantastic Four show, but I don't remember if Silver Surfer does. Silver Surfer's one of those characters I just never got into. I've always known about him, but... This show briefly got me into Silver Surfer, and then I tried to read some of the comics as a child, and it was just like, nah. I don't give a fuck about Norrin Rad and Zenlon. Oh, and he says Silver Surfer was on Fantastic Four. Okay. I know they did the Galactus plot on there, I couldn't remember. But is it the same Silver Surfer? Probably not. Even though it should be. Was this on Fox? This was on Fox. boxers where it was at one of the shows but there's actually a trailer I've included on some of our pre-shows where it's like hank hill and the silver surfer talking to each other I'm having encounter at farpoint flashback from star trek tng watching this yeah you don't even know what I'm talking about chris no idea I'm too old to get into Star Trek. You know? I have enough... You should at least watch TNG. TNG is a good show. I mean, I've seen a lot of Star Trek. I'm just too old to really dive into that. To really dive into it. Just watch the movies in Star Trek The Next Generation. That's all you really need. Yeah. As a casual person, it's like Doctor Who. I'm never going to get. Oh, I keep trying to get into Doctor Who, and that will never happen for me. It seems like one of those things I should be into, and I just cannot make myself care how I ended up outside the car that night. Just a few bruises and a lot of tears. And this is Nova. This is the current Herald of Galactus, also from Fantastic Four. Where is the next world upon which I can feed? Oh, you know, it's just around the corner. The guy doing the voice of Galactus in the new movie is, like, going to be perfect. Galactus has, like, lockjaw on the show. Like, he can't unclench his jaw. Everything he says has to be... Be sure to pick me up some jello, because I can't eat solids after my jaw surgery, Nova. Jackpot! How's that old saying go? No rest for the weary? Said there ain't no rest for the surfer. Money don't grow on trees. just taking a nap this is the best animation they did post like x-men and spider-man you took a tail break and fall Why do you sound like the tiny lady from Poltergeist? then why never heard of it this is pip and I'm keely oh the troll is in this named by our wonderful employers he's played by patton oswalt in the after credit sequence of the eternals I think anyway slave force patton's been in so much marvel stuff yeah he was also modok Yeah, he's Mudok, and he's in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. too. He's in Blade, yeah. Or Blade Trinity. I am free now! This abomination cannot be born! Don't do it! I wish Silver Surfer would just show up on my planet. I'd just show him what a gravity bong is. We're just hanging out in my apartment, and he's just like, chrome. Hey, he seems pretty chill. On Xen'la, the Master taught us... Silver Surfer, do you know what galaxy gas is? We're gonna go down to the bodega. We're gonna get some for you. It's scrotum, man! Lighten up, guys. It'll take more than a little static to fry a prime hunk of manhood like me. I will not forget what you have done for me. Oh, hey, don't worry. I won't either. You've got to be careful. The callers have their own built-in defense. As slaves, we're completely governed by them and the voices they put into our heads. time for our shift unless you want another taste of creed it should have just had the pat and oswald modok be the modok in that ant-man movie but like yeah it just looks like the cartoon modok you know that would have been better I was making it yeah that's a hard one to make work in live action and I don't exactly so it's like just make it a total cartoon like don't try to make it realistic They need to put Mojo in a Marvel movie. Do you know what Mojo is? Yeah, the X-Men villain. That X-Men villain that lives in, like, Mojo World. That looks like Ambush Bug in the front. I think I used to confuse him and the blob. That makes sense. And now you. You might want to put some pants on around all this machinery, Surfer. Hey, who says the Kree don't have a crazy little sense of humor? This is how your iPhones are made, people. If you want to know what a lithium ion mine looks like, it's Pip the Troll and the Silver Surfer with mine control. The Kree are like the shapeshifters, right? Oh, no, that's the... That's the Skrulls. The Skrulls, yeah. Yeah. The Kree is like Captain Marvel. Yeah. The Kree do fight the Skrulls. Right. Shit is so nerdy. The Kree fight the Skrulls. Is he discovering auto-erotic asphyxiation right now? All the shocking is really turning me on. This is how David Carradine died. Please stop touching my tits. There is a way to change that. Let me show you. Feel the energy, my son. Feel how it becomes part of you. That gentle voice. It's been speaking to us ever since we got to Morovus. It is the voice of the master of Xen'la. trying to follow this is like it's like token times thirty like I don't know what the hell they're even saying yeah this was a show made for like nine-year-olds in nineteen ninety eight and they expected them to keep up with all this like it's not bad it's just I mean yeah exactly I can't do that. There are too many. Master, Master, where are you? There's only one place he can be. Up at the main base, Merobis Prime. To me, my boy. Is that like an X-Men riff? To me, my Silver Surfer. The Master, working with the... Then I must unite. Of course that is possible only if I can reach him. Him talking about the Master so much makes me think that he's gonna get there and it's gonna be like Torgo's gonna be his new, like, herald. Galactus is in need of new planets. He could not rely on you, Surfer. I know of you, Silver Surfer. How dare you disturb a Kree combined intelligence? No civilization has the right to subjugate another. Am I in cum right now? What is this? Pretty much. That is precisely why they were created. Now, however, this group is useless. You have shown our slaves that the callers can be overcome. Their minds have been polluted by the possibility of freedom. Fortunately, they are expendable. We have billions more to replace them. This is what Elon Musk wants for our country. Nothing is responding. Master, it is truly you. But how? Why? There is no time, my fellow governors of Morovas have chosen...